Night Shift

With brutal honesty, I am admitting to myself that I've been in a slump for the past few months.

Actually it's been more than a few months. About 6 months or so. 

I am not attributing how my mental is working now solely because of one person, it's wrong to blame someone else for what is going on in your head or how you act unless the actions they impressed on you are at such a degree that it leaves a long lasting mark. 

Flashback to February of 2016. I meet a girl I've been talking to for months at a party in the city. All I was expecting that night was to hang out with someone new, go home, and crash on my bed. I probably had homework that needed to be done that night too...

As both of us are exiting the house where the function was at, I begin to tell her goodbye and that I'll give her a yell the next day. She came with a friend, so I was expecting that she would go back with her friend just as she came with her. Instead, she follows me as I am walking back towards my place and decides to stick around for the night. At this point, my mind is questioning the situation with phrases like "What the hell is going on?" and "I really thought I was going to get some sleep tonight, guess that isn't going down.". We get pizza from the local eatery and watch a really, really bad scary movie on the couch at my apartment. Eventually, she decides to stay the night. In one night I met a really pretty girl, cuddled with her on my couch, and had her in the same bed as me to snooze for a few hours. Oh, and everything that transpired that night was unintentional.

That's how we met. Conventional? Not so much. Traditional? God no.

For the next 3 months after the night I met her, the same trend would transpire 5 out of 7 days of the week. Usually we would get dinner, walk around the city, go to the river, relationship things. Even with all the time that we spent together on a daily basis, this girl wasn't my girlfriend. 

One night we're walking back to my car so I can take her home. We had just finished relaxing at my place, so the mood was extremely mellow and calm. Ideal time to ask a girl to officially be yours, right?

She said yes, although it wasn't an enthusiastic "Oh my God, yes I'll be yours!". Maybe that should have been a sign to me that I shouldn't make the situation that I am in with this girl more complicated than it already is. The subsequent months after we began dating were a roller coaster of emotions, thrills, vocal matches, partying, distress, and disappointment.

We never really fought, and if we did I was never the one to ignite the fire. I'm usually someone who likes to avoid conflict and any kind of altercation. 

There were many, many occasions where I would be in the dog house with her. Whether I was late to dinner by a few minutes, talking to all of my so called "other girlfriends" (complete bullshit), or not being talkative with her, something I did on the daily irked her to no end. I could not appease this girl as much as she wish I would.

Even with all of the negative, there were many great things about her. She's a humanitarian in my eyes, loves the outdoors, and has a great sense of style. The list goes on. She was smart, adventurous, exquisite music taste, and made some great coffee.

Fast forward to June/July of 2016. Our relationship is getting bumpier than an unpaved back road in Powhatan. It seems as if she is upset or displeased with me everyday, and I could not deal with another one of her tantrums consisting of quiet rage and incredulous insults.

I eventually break up with her, and I didn't take too much. When you feel as if you are being attacked and unappreciated by someone you've devoted your time, effort, and emotion into it isn't difficult to become unattached from them. We both shed a few tears and gave each other one last kiss. It wasn't really the last kiss though...

We would still spend loads of time together, hanging at her parents house or her best friends abode. But during this awkward limbo of our "not dating but were still together, kind of? " phase, one night really defined where we stood in regards to our relationship.

August 2016. I'm at a party with my friends in Washington D.C/Northern Virginia. Earlier that day, I had posted a picture of me and two of my closer companions (both of them of the opposite sex). It's getting really close to 12 am, and I receive a phone call. At this point of the night, I've already downed several beers and other alcoholic beverages to quench my thirst. To no avail, it is my almost girlfriend but not girlfriend lighting my line up. She rings me out about hanging with other girls and posting them on social media. She would later exclaim "I would never do that shit to you, so why the fuck would you do it to me?" and "You never cared about me to begin with." Drunk, none of these statement really phase me. It was more of a in one ear, out the other feeling. But, one phrase she did sling out that caught my attention was "If you ever post another picture with another girl, I will never talk to you again.". How did I react to this? My first reaction was one of confusion. Why is this girl yelling at me still about something that is REALLY not that important? Does she really think she is going to control how I act? Does she actually think I'm disrespecting her?

At that point, I was completely over whatever was left of our relationship. I could not deal with the ambiguities and ailments that lied between us. 

So, how did this girl affect my mental? Today, I am still not even sure what she did to my mind. All I do know is that I haven't been able to think like I used to. I have more mental lags than before. I feel lost, and that is probably the worst of them all. Maybe all of the negativity that transpired between us is still lingering in my noggin. Maybe it's the fact that I occasionally think about her smile or how sweet her hugs were. Or, it could be the fact that I got a concussion in September.

Nevertheless, girls that you allow to be in a position of importance in your life, like your girlfriend, really play a major role in how your mind works and how you act. Whether you are broken up with her or not, the effects from your relationship will tag along with you for a very, very long time. 

Northside Social

Earlier on this fine Saturday morning in Arlington, Virginia I decided that I needed a jolt to my day in order for a smooth drive back to Richmond. The local coffee shop, Northside Social, was only a ten minute drive from where I stayed the previous night and a strong urge for an iced coffee with vanilla syrup accompanied by three shots of espresso had draped itself upon me.

The drive to the crowded coffee joint was great, blaring my blues music with the windows down with seventy degree weather surrounding me. Paying to park for the solemn fifteen minutes that I stood in line was pretty bogus, but the sensation of being immersed into the local scene of a small city made up for the time that was stolen from me. But there was one minuscule observation that came to the forefront while standing in line... I was the only black person there.

Which isn't bad at all. I've been to many places where I have seen only one white person in line surrounded by plenty people of color.

Usually I wouldn't notice such things, as I like to keep color, race, gender, sexual orientation, beliefs, and traits/attributes in hindsight so that when I am interacting with someone who doesn't look, talk, or act like me that I know that they are being treated fairly. We all would like the same to be done for us, right? I am sincerely hoping that if anybody takes the time to read this that it doesn't come off as me being insecure with my ethnicity. That is the exact opposite of what I am trying to explain.

When I noticed that I was the only black person in there, I was a little shocked. Maybe it is because Richmond is a more diverse place, with VCU playing a major factor in that. The lack of diversity that I saw in the coffee shop was just slightly odd, at best.

However, after the weird sensation of being one of the few people of color in the establishment dissolved, a feeling of uniqueness and belonging came over me. Not to say that white people aren't unique, everyone has a unique side to them. What I am saying is that even in a room full of people who don't look like me, I felt just as I would in a room full of people of color.

I solely share this experience because I happen to know several individuals who are not comfortable in their own skin, black white and everything in between. I believe that it is truly important to have the comfort of knowing that you belong in this world and that regardless of how you look or what guidelines you live your life that YOU BELONG in this world.

Now, this experience of mine is not to say that all of the white people in the coffee shop earlier this morning don't appreciate or like people who aren't white. That is not the point I am trying to get across. I personally did not know anybody in that coffee shop or had any previous relations with anybody in there. I don't know their lives. Therefore, I can't judge and can only think positive things about them since they have not given me a reason not to think highly of them.

What I am saying is that earlier today I noticed that I was the only black person in the coffee shop. And while being the only black person in there, I did not feel any different than how I would feel any other day of the week. I felt comfortable. I felt good. I felt comfortable in my own skin, and in retrospect felt grateful for being able to feel something that I know others have difficulties with.

Also, the coffee was great.

The Thrill is Gone

That song is made by the late and great BB King, a song that I am currently listening to while stoned in my mothers car. Not a bad Thursday spent in the city of Richmond.

Earlier in class today we had a paper that was due. Of course with my bad habit of procrastinating, I waited until today to get it done. To top it off, when I went to turn in the paper I noticed that everyone had brought a folder to set their assignment in. Guess I didn't get that memo...

Two minutes before class starts and you see my darting across Franklin street to get a useless folder. Nevertheless, the folder was purchased and the paper was turned in.

My First Post

Hello. My name is Lawrence Jones III. Currently, I attend Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, Virginia. I am not your average broke college student. I am broke, emotionally unstable occasionally, slightly an alcoholic, and have an unexplained accent.

I think that my life is interesting enough to where I could update a blog several times a week and not get bored. Life is dynamic, always changing right before your eyes. And I think that using a blog or any kind of writing mechanism is a great way to note and mark down the scenes that you see on a daily basis. Whether it is about having a thriller of a day filled with smiles, cotton candy, and weed, OR a bad day consisting of a hangover, failed assignments, low test grades, or anything along those lines.

A little about myself... Originally, I am from Chesterfield, Virginia. But locals call my side of town SOUTHSIDE. It gives us a sense of entitlement and makes us feel different from everybody else. What's funny is that as we're trying to be different from everybody else it's almost like we're all the same (because everybody is trying to succeed at being different).

At the age of 20 years old, I have managed to: be in Thrasher Magazine twice, severely damage my rotator cuff, break 4 girls hearts in the span of 3 years, and amass 1,000+ followers on my Twitter account by tweeting meaningless garbage like memes and how I get heartbroken by the same girl for almost 3 months.

There is not much else you need to know about me. I love skateboarding, Cookout, dairy products, the simple things in life. (Sidenote: I have written almost a page about myself in a span of 5-6 minutes while I can't write a paper that is due tomorrow at 3:30 EST about a book that I didn't read...)

At this stage in my life, I am confused about tons of things. Where I am going to be after I graduate, who I should be giving my precious time to, whether I should jump in front of the next GRTC bus that passes. It's pretty fucking frustrating at times. Alas, there is beauty behind the madness. And I am going to do my best to exfoliate and extract every ounce of beauty that is available in this topsy-turvy road of life that I can!